Mother’s Day is often painted in soft pastels and smiles. It’s a day filled with gratitude, warmth, and glowing tributes to moms everywhere. But not every relationship with a mother fits that picture.
For some, their mother was distant, absent, emotionally unavailable—or even harmful. And when that kind of relationship ends in loss, the grief that follows can be tangled, confusing, and deeply isolating.
At Written Hugs Designs, we believe in honoring all forms of grief—including the kind that’s hard to name. If someone you love has lost a mother they were never close to, here are a few gentle ways to be there for them on a day that may feel heavy in a different way.
1. Acknowledge That Their Experience Is Valid
Not all grief comes from losing something wonderful. Sometimes grief stems from what was never received—nurturing, safety, love.
You might say:
- “I know today might bring up a lot. I’m here if you want to talk—or not talk.”
- “You’re allowed to feel whatever you’re feeling today. There’s no wrong way to grieve.”
- “Just thinking of you today and sending you softness.”
Even a small message like this can feel like a breath of air in a world that tends to ignore complex loss.
2. Don’t Force the Shiny Version of What Society Says Mother’s Day Should Be
Avoid messages like:
- “At least she’s at peace now.”
- “You only get one mom, and she loved you in her own way.”
Instead, offer compassion without trying to make it tidy.
Say:
- “It’s okay if you feel relief, sadness, anger—or all of it at once.”
- “This day doesn’t need to look any particular way for you. Whatever you feel is valid.”
3. Give Them Permission to Grieve What They Didn’t Have
Sometimes, the hardest part is mourning the version of a mother they wished they had. Acknowledging that can help them feel seen.
You could say:
- “I’m sorry you didn’t get the kind of unconditional love and mothering you deserved.”
- “I hope you know how worthy you are of love and care—even if she couldn’t give it.”
4. Be a Soft Place for Them to Land
You don’t have to solve anything. Just be a safe space. Show up with consistency, gentleness, and without judgment. Whether that looks like sending a kind text, dropping off coffee, or sitting beside them in silence—it matters.
5. Offer a Way to Reclaim the Day (If They Want To)
Mother’s Day might be a day they want to forget—or it could become a day to honor themselves, or a nurturing figure they did have. Ask gently:
- “Would you like to do something for yourself today?”
- “Want to honor the person who did feel like a mother to you?”
Sometimes, creating space for healing rituals—like journaling, lighting a candle, or simply resting—can be powerful.
To those grieving the mother they never got to have:
We see the courage it takes to navigate this day. Your feelings are real. Your story matters.
Whether you’re filled with anger, sadness, numbness, or a complicated mix—we’re holding space for it all.
Written Hugs Mother’s Day is Complicated - Difficult Mother Card
Written Hugs Mother’s Day is Complicated - Never Mothered Card
Written Hugs Mother’s Day is Complicated - Mother Never Knew You Card
